What does your Child need Most?

We celebrated Candlemas or Ground Hog's day this week, acknowledging the return of the sun with notably longer days than winter solstice time just six weeks ago. The seasons of the year, the festivals we celebrate, and our daily habits and moods are affected by the sun. We notice when it is shining and when it is covered by clouds. We feel warmth in its proximity and cold when it is distant. It affects our sleep rhythms. The sun is what makes the plants that nourish humans grow. Can you imagine that in the life of a young child, the parent plays a role similar to that of the sun?  Parents provide warmth, predictable rhythms, and the essentials for growth. A parent's sunny gaze warms a child's soul and encourages connection. On the other hand, when a parent is stressed, overwhelmed and unhappy, there is a negative impact on a child's development. A longitudinal study conducted at the Life Stress and Human Development Lab of the University of Wisconsin in Madison showed that parental stress impacts the DNA of developing children, influencing brain development and behavior. In particular, the DNA changes that were found in adolescents who experienced parental stress in early childhood impacted the creation of new neurons in the brain, those that are crucial for neurological development, learning, and memory. Although parents might consider that there are many things to do in order to be a good parent, in the end, perhaps the most important one is also good for the parents. Manage stress. Be happy. Bestow a sunny gaze on your developing child. 

Traditional Toys serve Child Development more than Gadgets

Children's play is their work; it's crucial to their development. That heightens the impact of our choices about their toys, the tools of their trade. By now, you may have noticed that there are holiday gifts you would like to return. A recent study on toys and language development might help you decide which ones to keep. The study reveals that the toys advertised as encouraging language development decrease the amount of verbal interaction between a child and adults. When parents see children engaged with an electronic gadget, they leave them alone, especially if the gadget is touted as supporting language development. But research shows that is not the case. Imagine the difference in quality between the voice of an electronic toy that speaks when the child pushes a button and the voice of a parent narrating life as it happens. Yes, in a parent's busy life, the child's attention on a gadget might seem like the way to engage the child and free the parent, but don't fool yourself, it will not enhance language development. According to Joan Almon of the Alliance of Childhood, "a good toy is 90% child, 10% toy." Hence, the child develops while playing with a good toy. With the typical electronic toy, it's 90% toy and 10% child, so the child's participation and subsequent development is diminished. Read the study in JAMA Pediatrics, then conduct your own experiments. Observe children playing with traditional toys and with electronic ones, then draw your own conclusions and hope you can find the gift receipts that will allow you to return the toys that do not support your child's development.

Patience, Hope, Love and Joy

This is a time of anticipation; deep in the earth, in buds on trees and in the human soul, we await rebirth. Nature is taking a winter's nap, all is quiet and gray with no signs of life, just waiting. We bring bright lights, activity and joyful song into our homes and public places. What is happening? We decorate during this time of darkness to remind us that the light will return. While most plants are dormant, evergreens show that new life will come again. It is a time of contraction and going inward; we expand by giving, connecting with others and the spirit of generosity. Along with the outward gestures of the season,  the inward goal is to cultivate patience, hope, love and joy in the human soul. While winter's womb holds us, we gestate these soul qualities, goodness grows and we celebrate the return of the light. Happy Holidays!

Self-regulation and Success

In the Canadian province of Ontario, self-regulation is a core goal in their new all day kindergarten curriculum. Whereas IQ was the predictor of success in the 20th century; in the 21st century, it's self-regulation. It is increasingly accepted that self-regulation is learned through play. Self-regulation is the ability to control one's impulses and to delay gratification. It is a matter of inhibiting some behaviors and engaging in particular behaviors on demand. For example, children know that they should use their words instead of hands (hitting, shoving or grabbing) to get what they want, but only the children who have self-regulation can practice this skill, using their words and inhibiting the use of hands. According to Bodrova and Leong's article in the national magazine Young Children, children learn self-regulation best when engaged in activities in which "children rather than adults set, negotiate and follow the rules." Simply put, that's what is learned in creative free play. Self-regulation is the fundamental skill that allows children to learn other skills and succeed in school and in life. If you have ever watched children engaged deeply in play, you have seen them enter a "calm and alert, but focused state." That state affects brain wiring and increases the ability to access that state again. Self-regulation is bigger than IQ, so Ontario is giving it its due. Kudos to our neighbors across the river!

Finding the Light in the Darkness

It is getting darker outside not only with shorter days and longer nights but with rain and cloud coverage blocking the sun. We look forward to the time change this weekend so it's brighter in the morning and easier to get out of bed. This coincides with earlier sunset and bedtime, increasing the chances of getting the sleep we crave. A warm, cozy bed looks inviting. Even toddlers play bedtime, setting themselves up side by side with pillows and blankets. It's time to move inward, to feel the warmth there and find the light within. Traditionally at this time of year, people carve pumpkins and burn a light in them in keep the darkness at bay. At the Rose Garden, we celebrate Halloween by carving pumpkins, roasting and eating pumpkin seeds and telling seasonal stories. One of my favorites is about a little mouse who is searching for a warm and cozy house. Although mice do not hibernate in winter, they do decrease their activity. It is easy to imagine a little mouse seeking shelter from the elements. In the story, the mouse finds a carved pumpkin and peeks in through the eye. When he crawls inside, he realizes it would make a comfortable dwelling, a place to rest and stay warm. It becomes his golden home and as it gets colder (and the pumpkin shrinks), the eyes and mouth close, blocking out the wind and making the home even cozier for the little mouse. The mouse is warm and safe. All is well. Stories of animals finding protection feed into the young child's yearning for security. If you celebrate Halloween by trick or treating, keep it simple, sweet (of course) and highlight returning home to a warm drink, a snack, and a quiet story. Happy Halloween!

Teaching Children Resiliency or How to Bounce Back

It's the time of year that often brings change and that can be challenging, even stressful. At first, changes can feel a bit tight like a new pair of shoes. Since parents cannot protect our children from the stressors of life (try as we might), what can we do? We can help our children build resilience, which is the ability to cope with change and adversity. In other words, since we cannot control everything that happens outside our children, it's wise to focus on building resilience within them so that a positive impact may result in spite of circumstances. The Devereux Institute for Resilient children conducts research that has tied resiliency in infants and toddlers to social and emotional well-being. When children can get their needs met, regulate their emotions and explore their world, they build resilience. According to the Institute, attachment, self-regulation and initiative are protective factors that lead to resilience. How can we provide these protections when a child is in a group program? Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects people across time and space. We encourage attachment at the Rose Garden by staggering enrollment of new children providing space and intention for each one to bond to their teacher. We are consistent in our rhythms so children trust us. We also provide continuity of care by transitioning children only once while they are at the Center. Initiative is the child's ability to problem solve or employ independent thought and attention to getting his or her needs met. We encourage the development of initiative by allowing the time and an environment conducive to freely exploring, where toys are easily within reach and open-ended so children bring their imaginations to playing with them. Self-regulation is the child's ability to control bodily functions, manage powerful emotions and maintain focus and attention. We encourage self-regulation with our steady rhythms, acknowledgement of children's emotions, and allowing children to attend to a task for a long period of time without interruptions. Given these parameters, children have the opportunity to gain resilience. Although it does not change what life brings (life happens on life's terms), it can change children so they have the ability to bounce back, to cope, to be resilient.

Winds of Change

August brings the first signs of fall with cooler evenings, the occasional red leaf appearing on a bush or tree, and racks of school supplies in stores. With the winds of seasonal change come laments of how summer flew by and how will we bear another winter? The rational mind tells us that summer days are 24 hours long just like a day in any other season but we also know that the sun is rising later and setting earlier so daylight hours are diminishing a little bit each day. It is too early, however, to batten down the hatches in preparation for winter; that's the work of fall. Now is the time to savor summer. I remember the Augusts when we purchased a bushel of ripe peaches to can. In February, when we opened the last jar of peach halves, the children commented that they looked and tasted like sunshine. It was summertime in a jar. Yes, August is a month to enjoy summer's gifts and to store its fruits and memories.  Gladiolas bloom, tomatoes ripen and the hum of cicadas reminds us that the winds of change are blowing. To paraphrase E.B. White: I get up in the morning torn between the desire to save the world and to savor it. This makes it hard to plan my day! I say, let go of the conflict and savor the summer in August. It won't last forever nor will our young children stay so young. There's plenty of time to save the world, maybe in September of when our children are grown. For today, let's savor it! 

Sharing is key to Success in Life

According to recent research, "kindergartners who share, cooperate and are helpful, are more likely to have a college degree and a job twenty years later than children who lack those social skills." In addition, specific social-emotional skills learned in early childhood decrease the risk of substance abuse and criminal activity. In other words, there is social economic value to teaching social-emotional skills to young children.
The same skills that lead to greater success in life, also help children do better in school. The research study tracked individuals for twenty years to confirm the correlation between social skill development in early childhood, success in school, and subsequent success in life. What does this suggest as far as the focus of early childhood education?
Paying attention to social skill development and helping children with weak skills learn new behaviors (while they are young) pays off. These are the eight specific skills researchers evaluated:
- Resolves peer problems on his/her own.
- Is very good at understanding other people's feelings.
- Shares materials with others.
- Cooperates with peers without prompting.
- Is helpful to others.
- Listens to others' point of view..
- Can give suggestions and opinions without being bossy.
- Acts friendly toward others.
It turns out that these skills are paramount and they do not include whether or not a child can read or write. When seeking a program for your young child, be sure to inquire about social skill development. Ask if teachers allow children time to practice skill development. Do they identify weak social skills and work with parents to help children learn new behaviors while they are young?
If this is what research and some might say common sense, tell us leads to success; why is there such a gap between common sense and common practice?

Celebrating Fathering

Mothering and fathering are parenting gestures. They can be associated with gender or not. Growing children benefit from both gestures. In broad strokes, mothering involves the more inward, soft and nurturing aspect of parenting while fathering is about the outward activities of providing and protecting the child and family. Picture mothering as holding the child and fathering creating a safe vessel around the mother and child. Fathering deeds involve going out into the world to provide for the family and bring home what they need to thrive. It also involves protecting the family by keeping the home and the neighborhood safe, defending the family from harm. That is not to say that fathering does not involve tender aspects of loving a child; these two parenting gestures can be displayed by both fathers and mothers. Regardless of who does what, children depend on their parents to provide a nurturing and secure home in which to learn and grow. I'll never forget the coins in piles my father left out on the kitchen counter for us to buy a hot lunch at school. Even today when he is long deceased, my father's careful financial planning  provides for my elderly mother. I am so grateful to him for what he did and continues to do for his family. Sunday is Father's day and so we are celebrating all those who are fathering children!

Happy Mother's Day!

I meet a lot of amazing mothers. They impress me with their competence in general as well as their willingness to learn and grow in order to benefit their children. This willingness requires both an open mind and heart as well as acceptance that there is always more to learn. In other words, a mature attitude. Mother's Day is Sunday and it is my tradition to highlight one mother each year. This year, the mother that comes to mind has demonstrated her ability to meet what comes with fortitude and grace. Her children can be children and express their emotions while she guides them to right action. She knows when to stand up on their behalf and when to let things go, modeling courage and discernment. Although job demands likely tug her in the morning, she is present to her child at that time, never rushed. She is generous in sharing her time and resources. Teachers who find their favorite tea or a beautifully illustrated book on their desk often identify her as the gift fairy. Like the anonymous gifting suggests, this woman is modest. We would like to acknowledge her for her steadfastness, her generosity and humility (which is the door to learning). Many thanks to her and to all the amazing mothers who work cooperatively with us to strengthen the children and our community.  

Where Personal Responsibility meets Social Responsibility

We live in community where personal choices have a ripple effect. In making decisions, we need to consider both the personal and social ramifications of them. Will this serve ourselves and the greater society we live in? Since we are unique individuals, our choices will not all be the same but the best choices will take into account our relatedness as well as our individuality. Both self development and child education are personal choices that have social impact. I remember learning in anthroposophic foundation studies that we engage in personal development so that we can better serve others; although it involves self-awareness and knowledge, it is not self absorbed but is for a greater purpose. Health care decisions are also personal and social. Communicable diseases are transferred from one person to another. Immunizations and diseases affect our personal bodies as well as others with whom we share exposure to disease. If we live in an insulated community like the Amish, we might be able to contain an outbreak of disease and not spread it outside our group. However, most of us live in a porous and mobile society in which the ripple effect of our choices is widespread. We may want to allow our children to experience the immune strengthening effects of disease, in order to build a strong body, capable of serving society in some way in the future. Are we prepared to quarantine ourselves during a time of sickness so we don't spread disease to others who may be vulnerable and cannot be immunized? Can we take the time off of work to tend to a sick child at home? It takes a willingness to do both, take care of our sickness and protect others from catching it. We must make our own choices with awareness of their social implications. We are here to grow healthy and whole in order to serve humanity. How we become healthy and how we serve are our choices.

Equanimity and the Equinox

We are approaching the vernal equinox. That's when day and night are equal in length. Winter's deep freeze and long, dark nights are coming to an end, and the water from melting snow and ice is beginning to flow. Tiny green shoots are poking up out of the ground. With all this growth and vitality, there is an exuberance to spring much like the energy of young children. It is powerful and changeable. One day can be warm and sunny and another cold and windy. With all this changing weather, we can feel blown about emotionally as well. It is a good time of year to deepen our practice of equanimity, especially if we work with young children. We need to hold firm to the ground under our feet, even if it is muddy. That is where objectivity, clear decision-making and stability come from: feet on the ground and thoughts uplifted. How do we achieve emotional equanimity? It helps to begin recognizing our emotions, including joy and its expansiveness. Rather than letting joy carry us away and outside of ourselves, we can work to keep it close. If we can manage our joy, we will find it easier to manage sorrow when it comes. Sorrow has a contracting quality that might bring us to go deep within and lose touch with others and with the uplifted quality to life. Whatever life presents, we can strive to find the middle ground. That is our challenge: finding balance in spite of life's ups and downs. In addition to recognizing our own emotional state and striving for the middle ground, it is helpful to develop a belief that there is good in everything. There are several tips recommended on the "Center for Resilient Children" website. They apply for adults as well, for we are the model for what we want our children to learn. The practices are: cultivate gratitude, laugh a lot, ask for help, set realistic expectations for yourself, take time for self care, develop self calming techniques, and get plenty of rest. Just as we might experiment with standing an egg upright on the equinox, we can experiment with uprightness in spite of life's wobbliness. When I experiment with eggs, I look for one with a broad base. We can strengthen our base by consciously practicing the tips above. It is not only a gift to our children but to ourselves. It takes daily practice and some days we will succeed more than others. If we fall down, equanimity and its product, resiliency, are what we need to get back up and try again. Let life, let spring do what it does, even if we are blown over, with equanimity we have strength.

How is Early Childhood different from other Developmental Phases?

The new year, dawn, fresh snow and young children: they have something in common. They are full of hope, possibility and promise. I was reminded of this when I heard a program on NPR. It was about a school program designed to teach social-emotional intelligence. It's expensive but the argument is that it is less expensive than mental health care or incarceration; two problems it is geared toward preventing. I suggest we don't wait until children are in school but start in early childhood educating young children and their parents about the development of social emotional intelligence as the primary curriculum for that developmental phase and a key preventative measure. This is how we can support children's optimal healthy development and protect them from toxic stressors that could undermine this development. To learn emotional intelligence, children need to be surrounded by emotionally centered adults. They also need practice in social skills and connecting with/moving through emotions. According to a popular Buddhist nun, when we are present to our emotions, they move through us in about 90 seconds. However, repressing them or rekindling them with our thoughts are ways that prolong emotional states. Children are usually good at emoting. Adults can script children's emotional experiences by saying "You seem sad, angry, or afraid." With this acknowledgment, children learn how to experience emotion, to connect with themselves, and then to get along with others. I can imagine a new world in which we begin in early childhood, surrounding children and their parents with professionals who understand human development. Let's invest in programs that give children a solid foundation, trusting that a physically fit, emotionally balanced and socially skilled human is ready for life. As statistics show, we can spend the money upfront in positive preventative programming or pay it later with remedial measures. For me, I'll throw my lot in with early childhood education any day, and I have. I look forward to the day that quality early childhood programs are publicly funded, available to all children, and focused on the physical and social-emotional development of the child. Hope springs eternal.

Love is born

I am writing on the winter solstice. We have finished journeying inward to the shortest, darkest day of the year; we are headed back out toward the light that will peak on the summer solstice, the longest day of the year. What do we find in the darkness, the emptiness, the womb that is available on this day? In the Christian tradition, the return of the light comes in the form of an infant. Any parent knows that with the birth of a child, a new love awakens in us. It is gentle and fierce, quiet and outspoken, self-possessed and generous. What gives us courage in the face of illness, death and conflict? What brings us immeasurable joy? It's love. Nothing has more power and weight although it is formless and light. It its purest most spiritual form, it is empty of judgment, need or agenda. Still yourself and look within during this darkest time of the year and find pure love in it. You will know the blessings of the holy days.

When it is Dark, Hold onto your Spark!

In early November, at the Rose Garden Early Childhood Center in Buffalo, we construct lanterns to shelter the light that we carry into the darkness during our Lantern Walk festival. When we walk with our lanterns through the cold, dark evening, a gust of wind or drop of rain could put out the fire, so we stay together in case we need to share a light, a lantern or a hand. We walk, sing, and gather around the fire. While we are encircling the fire with our lanterns in hand, we marvel at the spectacle. The experience leaves an imprint on our souls, one of light and the warmth of community. The Lantern Walk festival or Martinmas is part of our annual rhythms that celebrate nature’s cycles and our humanity. They are important and meaningful but not enough nourishment to keep the inner light glowing through the long, dark winter. We need daily, weekly and monthly practices to keep us grounded in our bodies and elevated in our thoughts. Through a process of trial and error and then habit building, I have come to start my day with movement and meditation before leaving my bedroom in the morning. This practice is followed by healthy food and certain hygienic routines. These routines provide strength and steadiness, inner preparation for meeting the external demands of the day. Now that they are habits, they do not require thinking, just doing. My body like our festival lanterns is a house for the light, the light of my soul and spirit, so I take care of it. I also choose to wear clothing that is seasonally appropriate and comfortable, ready to meet the elements. Often the colors of the day as indicated by Rudolf Steiner influence my clothing decisions. I enjoy the full rainbow of colors. Noticing the quality of each day and enjoying the grain of the day are rhythms also; they keep us connected to nature and something greater than ourselves. In my office, I have certain tasks on certain days of the week, some daily, others weekly or monthly. My rhythms are regular but not rigid. If there is a child or teacher who needs help, the office work can wait. Throughout the day, I try to stop and notice that I am blessed, that life is good and that I have so much to be grateful for. In spite of these practices, there are times that I feel the light flickering or threatening to go out. At those times, I notice and acknowledge what I am experiencing, to be true to myself. Then I whisper a prayer for help, for gratitude, for perspective. I might share my experience with someone and before too long, find the humor in it. There is nothing like a good laugh to encourage a tiny spark of light to grow. Although a particular moment may be challenging, I know that whatever it is, just like the cold days and long, dark nights of winter, it will pass. Spring will come again and the light will return. In the meantime, we trust the spark of light that is nurtured in our souls will grow. If it does happen to flicker or go out, we stay close to bask in the glow of other lanterns’ light, and we remember the sight of lanterns burning bright in a cold and starry night.

Bridging the Gap between Brain Research and Practices

I heard an excellent message at a conference last Friday presented by Human Behavior Specialist, Jeanine Fitzgerald. Jeanine brought research about brain development and her experiences with powerful stories and levity. We in the audience laughed heartily and wiped tears from our eyes. If I had to put it in a nutshell, the message was to love children so they truly feel it and to provide an environment that supports healthy development. The research about brain development is there; it has been for many years. For one, behavior modification does not work. Stickers and charts are vehicles of coercion and manipulation that will never replace the power of authentic human interactions in teaching appropriate behaviors. In authentic relationships, we take care of a child's needs, and the outcome is for the child to become whomever he or she is meant to be. Belonging is key but fitting in is not essential (humans are unique). We create a feeling of belonging by sharing love and understanding and providing an environment that supports healthy development. Begin by removing the distractions. They include: screen time, too much stuff, not enough community, too much time in the car, not enough time overall (lots of hurrying) and exposure to violence. Steer clear of them; they contribute to increased impulsivity, irritability and anxiety. By removing them, we create space for healthy development. Practices that support brain development are: proper nutrition, age-appropriate expectations, sufficient time, managed stress (reducing the number of transitions and not hurrying for example), social support and movement. As far as movement goes, children need to experience being upside down, spinning, rolling, crashing, rocking and heavy lifting to develop their brains. When they do, they gain confidence and grow comfortable in their own skin. Developing children deserve a movement rich environment as well as nutritious food, healthy relationships and age-appropriate expectations; that's how we bridge the gap between research and practice. If you are interested in observing an environment where healthy brain development is supported by all the above, please come for a tour of the Rose Garden Early Childhood Center on a Thursday morning at 9:00 a.m.. Feel free to bring a friend, just email us first so we put out enough tea cups.

I don't want to go to school!

What do you do when your child resists going to school in the morning? I don't mean simply saying, "I don't want to go"; that's not how young children express themselves. I mean ear-splitting, gut-wrenching, heart-breaking cries and gluing to your leg along with other actions likely to rattle the nerves of even the most well rested, relaxed parent. First of all, make sure your child is fit (not sick) and that the environment of the school supports healthy childhood development. Then look within and notice the thought that something is wrong or that you must be a bad parent or this would not be happening. Acknowledge the feeling that accompanies the thought, and replace it with one like this. "He is doing this because he does not want to go outside his comfort zone. This is what children do to assert their will. It is my job as a good parent to "school" his will and to teach him that this is not an effective way of getting what he wants." Remember that children can hold only one attachment at a time so if you want him to attach to another adult, you have to let go. Then hug your child, tell him you love him and say, "This is what we are doing. We are getting ready to go to school now. You will play, make friends and learn there." When your child persists (and most do because their will is powerful although unschooled), then repeat the mantra. "This is what we are doing now" and carry on, remembering to keep calm (even if it is an act). Your calm demeanor and reassuring words will go a long way and eventually your child will learn that he/she can get along without you, but that lesson comes with experience, experience he does not have yet. Remember For now, he will have to place his trust in you rather than focusing on his fear of the unknown. In the long run, trusting you is an important lesson for him to learn, the foundation for many more to come.

Play and Human Development

I think a lot about play, observe it frequently, and read the research. Yesterday I heard a newscaster describe a public kindergarten program as school "not just play and a nap". Just play I thought, wondering if people have read the research that supports the importance of play. According to play specialist Stuart Brown, "play is not just joyful and energizing - it's deeply involved with human development and intelligence." It's been proven that "nothing lights up the brain like play. Three-dimensional play fires up the cerebellum, puts a lot of impulses into the frontal love (executive portion) and helps contextual memory and attention development". The opposite of play is not work as many would suggest, but it's depression. Life without play lacks humor, flirtation, movies, games, fantasies, etc.. Humans are designed to play lifelong, unlike other animals who play only in their early development. It increases our adaptability; so it is more than fun, is it vital. Its purpose is the act of doing it. It increases our sense of belonging and our survival may depend on it. When they researched play in rats, one group was allowed to play and the other was not. When presented with the smell of a cat, both groups hid but only the group that practiced play ventured back out to check that the threat was gone. The other group continued to hide and starved to death. In the words of Stuart Brown, "preschool kids should be allowed to dive, run, whistle, scream, be chaotic, and develop through that a lot of emotional regulation and a lot of the other byproducts - cognitive, emotional and physical, that come as part of rough and tumble play." Did you know that both NASA and Boeing in their hiring process, ask if the applicants have worked and played with their hands? They do this because those are the people they want to hire; they are better problem-solvers. So what if we stopped undervaluing play and set up environments for young children to fully express their playful nature and learn what they need to learn in the process? Perhaps adults would remember their playful side, too. Do an experiment and bring a sense of play to your work and life today, then notice the effect and check out Stuart Brown's TedTalk "Play is more than just Fun".

Intervening in Children's Outdoor Play

Intervening in Outdoor Play The playground is a microcosm of society. All the forces of nature and human temperaments come into play, less contained than indoors. In early childhood, these forces are unrefined. According to Psychologist, Wendy Mogel, things that are considered normal in early childhood would be pathological in adults. The children are early in the journey toward social responsibility. Opportunities to teach lessons arise on a regular basis when children are free to explore in a healthy way. What kind of questions do we ask ourselves when we are outdoors with children? We ask who are the leaders in the play and how can we reinforce the teacher’s voice in their heads? How can we ensure the safety of the children? How can we address disharmony when it occurs? If it takes a community to raise children, how can we work with agreement so the children hear the same message from all the adults? If parents witness an event in the playground, it is usually during a festivals or transition times. These are the times when issues of who is in charge get murky and so children can engage in attention getting behaviors. Here are some guidelines to help address situations when they arise. 1. We work with a picture of human development that involves children learning by imitation. Hence we model social responsibility, equanimity, positivity and interest in others. 2. We work with objectivity. If we see a child do something, we report what we saw, not what we think or feel about it. We do not judge children or parents. This objectivity takes time to develop and our training supports us in this practice. The fruits of objectivity allow us to keep from enmeshing facts with our opinions and feelings. 3. We acknowledge the children’s feelings by labelling and expressing them. “I see you are frustrated (or another feeling)”. This is the first step to showing a child how to express their own feelings as in “I am frustrated” rather than acting them out. 4. We read the children’s behaviors as a call for attention when they have gotten in over their heads social, and we keep them close to us at these times. 5. We recognize the leaders in play and reinforce the rule that you cannot hurt anybody. At the same time that the children are building peer relationships, we want the words of the adults to come to mind rather than those of peers. 6. We encourage children to find a teacher if things are going awry. 7. We ask children to help make it right when something has happened, by returning a toy for example, or getting a glass of water or a tissue for tears. Rather than insisting that a child apologizes, although at times this might be appropriate, we make the situation right by bringing comfort. Actions are more meaningful than words at this age. All adults can intervene, but for the sake of continuity and to keep from confusing the children, we need to operate from a place of agreement about how we address situations. Children so benefit from consistency and adults working together to create it.

Preparing the Nest

My husband and I have enjoyed watching birds nest and birth babies in the grape arbor over our deck. We have seen them gather materials to fluff up the nest in spring when they return to it after the winter. When we hear the high-pitched peeping of the hungry babies, we watch the mama and papa birds gather and distribute food into their open mouths. By the end of the outdoor season, the activity overhead ends and all the birds, including the little ones, have flown from the nest. There is a lot of cooperation between mama and papa bird while they prepare the nest, feed their young, and then send them out to build their own nests. We, too are nest-builders here, considering what we do to prepare for the children to come. After meeting the parents, we receive an application and the process of clarifying dates and collecting paperwork begins. Most is done through email or the postal services so there is a period of little "face" contact. During this time, the teacher chooses a symbol for the child and prepares both shoe and clothing cubbies. In the office, our roster and staffing charts are adjusted. Contact and billing information is input. Teachers read the child's bio and begin imagining what the child might bring to the group. Then we all anticipate the cubby and starting date. All of this happens at the Center while the parents are gathering supplies, visiting the Doctor and marking the calendar. These are aspects of weaving the nest that will support the child upon arrival. Unlike watching a child play, sing a blessing before the meal, or snuggle into a teacher's lap, they are not especially warm or fun, but they are necessary. Some of the preparations are mandated by our licensor, some by the LifeWays model, and others by our own personal quality standards and procedures. These preparations prior to a child's first day, fortify our heartfelt expression of "Welcome, we are ready and have been waiting for you."