Patience, Hope, Love and Joy

This is a time of anticipation; deep in the earth, in buds on trees and in the human soul, we await rebirth. Nature is taking a winter's nap, all is quiet and gray with no signs of life, just waiting. We bring bright lights, activity and joyful song into our homes and public places. What is happening? We decorate during this time of darkness to remind us that the light will return. While most plants are dormant, evergreens show that new life will come again. It is a time of contraction and going inward; we expand by giving, connecting with others and the spirit of generosity. Along with the outward gestures of the season,  the inward goal is to cultivate patience, hope, love and joy in the human soul. While winter's womb holds us, we gestate these soul qualities, goodness grows and we celebrate the return of the light. Happy Holidays!

Self-regulation and Success

In the Canadian province of Ontario, self-regulation is a core goal in their new all day kindergarten curriculum. Whereas IQ was the predictor of success in the 20th century; in the 21st century, it's self-regulation. It is increasingly accepted that self-regulation is learned through play. Self-regulation is the ability to control one's impulses and to delay gratification. It is a matter of inhibiting some behaviors and engaging in particular behaviors on demand. For example, children know that they should use their words instead of hands (hitting, shoving or grabbing) to get what they want, but only the children who have self-regulation can practice this skill, using their words and inhibiting the use of hands. According to Bodrova and Leong's article in the national magazine Young Children, children learn self-regulation best when engaged in activities in which "children rather than adults set, negotiate and follow the rules." Simply put, that's what is learned in creative free play. Self-regulation is the fundamental skill that allows children to learn other skills and succeed in school and in life. If you have ever watched children engaged deeply in play, you have seen them enter a "calm and alert, but focused state." That state affects brain wiring and increases the ability to access that state again. Self-regulation is bigger than IQ, so Ontario is giving it its due. Kudos to our neighbors across the river!

Finding the Light in the Darkness

It is getting darker outside not only with shorter days and longer nights but with rain and cloud coverage blocking the sun. We look forward to the time change this weekend so it's brighter in the morning and easier to get out of bed. This coincides with earlier sunset and bedtime, increasing the chances of getting the sleep we crave. A warm, cozy bed looks inviting. Even toddlers play bedtime, setting themselves up side by side with pillows and blankets. It's time to move inward, to feel the warmth there and find the light within. Traditionally at this time of year, people carve pumpkins and burn a light in them in keep the darkness at bay. At the Rose Garden, we celebrate Halloween by carving pumpkins, roasting and eating pumpkin seeds and telling seasonal stories. One of my favorites is about a little mouse who is searching for a warm and cozy house. Although mice do not hibernate in winter, they do decrease their activity. It is easy to imagine a little mouse seeking shelter from the elements. In the story, the mouse finds a carved pumpkin and peeks in through the eye. When he crawls inside, he realizes it would make a comfortable dwelling, a place to rest and stay warm. It becomes his golden home and as it gets colder (and the pumpkin shrinks), the eyes and mouth close, blocking out the wind and making the home even cozier for the little mouse. The mouse is warm and safe. All is well. Stories of animals finding protection feed into the young child's yearning for security. If you celebrate Halloween by trick or treating, keep it simple, sweet (of course) and highlight returning home to a warm drink, a snack, and a quiet story. Happy Halloween!

Teaching Children Resiliency or How to Bounce Back

It's the time of year that often brings change and that can be challenging, even stressful. At first, changes can feel a bit tight like a new pair of shoes. Since parents cannot protect our children from the stressors of life (try as we might), what can we do? We can help our children build resilience, which is the ability to cope with change and adversity. In other words, since we cannot control everything that happens outside our children, it's wise to focus on building resilience within them so that a positive impact may result in spite of circumstances. The Devereux Institute for Resilient children conducts research that has tied resiliency in infants and toddlers to social and emotional well-being. When children can get their needs met, regulate their emotions and explore their world, they build resilience. According to the Institute, attachment, self-regulation and initiative are protective factors that lead to resilience. How can we provide these protections when a child is in a group program? Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects people across time and space. We encourage attachment at the Rose Garden by staggering enrollment of new children providing space and intention for each one to bond to their teacher. We are consistent in our rhythms so children trust us. We also provide continuity of care by transitioning children only once while they are at the Center. Initiative is the child's ability to problem solve or employ independent thought and attention to getting his or her needs met. We encourage the development of initiative by allowing the time and an environment conducive to freely exploring, where toys are easily within reach and open-ended so children bring their imaginations to playing with them. Self-regulation is the child's ability to control bodily functions, manage powerful emotions and maintain focus and attention. We encourage self-regulation with our steady rhythms, acknowledgement of children's emotions, and allowing children to attend to a task for a long period of time without interruptions. Given these parameters, children have the opportunity to gain resilience. Although it does not change what life brings (life happens on life's terms), it can change children so they have the ability to bounce back, to cope, to be resilient.

Winds of Change

August brings the first signs of fall with cooler evenings, the occasional red leaf appearing on a bush or tree, and racks of school supplies in stores. With the winds of seasonal change come laments of how summer flew by and how will we bear another winter? The rational mind tells us that summer days are 24 hours long just like a day in any other season but we also know that the sun is rising later and setting earlier so daylight hours are diminishing a little bit each day. It is too early, however, to batten down the hatches in preparation for winter; that's the work of fall. Now is the time to savor summer. I remember the Augusts when we purchased a bushel of ripe peaches to can. In February, when we opened the last jar of peach halves, the children commented that they looked and tasted like sunshine. It was summertime in a jar. Yes, August is a month to enjoy summer's gifts and to store its fruits and memories.  Gladiolas bloom, tomatoes ripen and the hum of cicadas reminds us that the winds of change are blowing. To paraphrase E.B. White: I get up in the morning torn between the desire to save the world and to savor it. This makes it hard to plan my day! I say, let go of the conflict and savor the summer in August. It won't last forever nor will our young children stay so young. There's plenty of time to save the world, maybe in September of when our children are grown. For today, let's savor it! 

Sharing is key to Success in Life

According to recent research, "kindergartners who share, cooperate and are helpful, are more likely to have a college degree and a job twenty years later than children who lack those social skills." In addition, specific social-emotional skills learned in early childhood decrease the risk of substance abuse and criminal activity. In other words, there is social economic value to teaching social-emotional skills to young children.
The same skills that lead to greater success in life, also help children do better in school. The research study tracked individuals for twenty years to confirm the correlation between social skill development in early childhood, success in school, and subsequent success in life. What does this suggest as far as the focus of early childhood education?
Paying attention to social skill development and helping children with weak skills learn new behaviors (while they are young) pays off. These are the eight specific skills researchers evaluated:
- Resolves peer problems on his/her own.
- Is very good at understanding other people's feelings.
- Shares materials with others.
- Cooperates with peers without prompting.
- Is helpful to others.
- Listens to others' point of view..
- Can give suggestions and opinions without being bossy.
- Acts friendly toward others.
It turns out that these skills are paramount and they do not include whether or not a child can read or write. When seeking a program for your young child, be sure to inquire about social skill development. Ask if teachers allow children time to practice skill development. Do they identify weak social skills and work with parents to help children learn new behaviors while they are young?
If this is what research and some might say common sense, tell us leads to success; why is there such a gap between common sense and common practice?

Celebrating Fathering

Mothering and fathering are parenting gestures. They can be associated with gender or not. Growing children benefit from both gestures. In broad strokes, mothering involves the more inward, soft and nurturing aspect of parenting while fathering is about the outward activities of providing and protecting the child and family. Picture mothering as holding the child and fathering creating a safe vessel around the mother and child. Fathering deeds involve going out into the world to provide for the family and bring home what they need to thrive. It also involves protecting the family by keeping the home and the neighborhood safe, defending the family from harm. That is not to say that fathering does not involve tender aspects of loving a child; these two parenting gestures can be displayed by both fathers and mothers. Regardless of who does what, children depend on their parents to provide a nurturing and secure home in which to learn and grow. I'll never forget the coins in piles my father left out on the kitchen counter for us to buy a hot lunch at school. Even today when he is long deceased, my father's careful financial planning  provides for my elderly mother. I am so grateful to him for what he did and continues to do for his family. Sunday is Father's day and so we are celebrating all those who are fathering children!

Happy Mother's Day!

I meet a lot of amazing mothers. They impress me with their competence in general as well as their willingness to learn and grow in order to benefit their children. This willingness requires both an open mind and heart as well as acceptance that there is always more to learn. In other words, a mature attitude. Mother's Day is Sunday and it is my tradition to highlight one mother each year. This year, the mother that comes to mind has demonstrated her ability to meet what comes with fortitude and grace. Her children can be children and express their emotions while she guides them to right action. She knows when to stand up on their behalf and when to let things go, modeling courage and discernment. Although job demands likely tug her in the morning, she is present to her child at that time, never rushed. She is generous in sharing her time and resources. Teachers who find their favorite tea or a beautifully illustrated book on their desk often identify her as the gift fairy. Like the anonymous gifting suggests, this woman is modest. We would like to acknowledge her for her steadfastness, her generosity and humility (which is the door to learning). Many thanks to her and to all the amazing mothers who work cooperatively with us to strengthen the children and our community.  

Where Personal Responsibility meets Social Responsibility

We live in community where personal choices have a ripple effect. In making decisions, we need to consider both the personal and social ramifications of them. Will this serve ourselves and the greater society we live in? Since we are unique individuals, our choices will not all be the same but the best choices will take into account our relatedness as well as our individuality. Both self development and child education are personal choices that have social impact. I remember learning in anthroposophic foundation studies that we engage in personal development so that we can better serve others; although it involves self-awareness and knowledge, it is not self absorbed but is for a greater purpose. Health care decisions are also personal and social. Communicable diseases are transferred from one person to another. Immunizations and diseases affect our personal bodies as well as others with whom we share exposure to disease. If we live in an insulated community like the Amish, we might be able to contain an outbreak of disease and not spread it outside our group. However, most of us live in a porous and mobile society in which the ripple effect of our choices is widespread. We may want to allow our children to experience the immune strengthening effects of disease, in order to build a strong body, capable of serving society in some way in the future. Are we prepared to quarantine ourselves during a time of sickness so we don't spread disease to others who may be vulnerable and cannot be immunized? Can we take the time off of work to tend to a sick child at home? It takes a willingness to do both, take care of our sickness and protect others from catching it. We must make our own choices with awareness of their social implications. We are here to grow healthy and whole in order to serve humanity. How we become healthy and how we serve are our choices.

Equanimity and the Equinox

We are approaching the vernal equinox. That's when day and night are equal in length. Winter's deep freeze and long, dark nights are coming to an end, and the water from melting snow and ice is beginning to flow. Tiny green shoots are poking up out of the ground. With all this growth and vitality, there is an exuberance to spring much like the energy of young children. It is powerful and changeable. One day can be warm and sunny and another cold and windy. With all this changing weather, we can feel blown about emotionally as well. It is a good time of year to deepen our practice of equanimity, especially if we work with young children. We need to hold firm to the ground under our feet, even if it is muddy. That is where objectivity, clear decision-making and stability come from: feet on the ground and thoughts uplifted. How do we achieve emotional equanimity? It helps to begin recognizing our emotions, including joy and its expansiveness. Rather than letting joy carry us away and outside of ourselves, we can work to keep it close. If we can manage our joy, we will find it easier to manage sorrow when it comes. Sorrow has a contracting quality that might bring us to go deep within and lose touch with others and with the uplifted quality to life. Whatever life presents, we can strive to find the middle ground. That is our challenge: finding balance in spite of life's ups and downs. In addition to recognizing our own emotional state and striving for the middle ground, it is helpful to develop a belief that there is good in everything. There are several tips recommended on the "Center for Resilient Children" website. They apply for adults as well, for we are the model for what we want our children to learn. The practices are: cultivate gratitude, laugh a lot, ask for help, set realistic expectations for yourself, take time for self care, develop self calming techniques, and get plenty of rest. Just as we might experiment with standing an egg upright on the equinox, we can experiment with uprightness in spite of life's wobbliness. When I experiment with eggs, I look for one with a broad base. We can strengthen our base by consciously practicing the tips above. It is not only a gift to our children but to ourselves. It takes daily practice and some days we will succeed more than others. If we fall down, equanimity and its product, resiliency, are what we need to get back up and try again. Let life, let spring do what it does, even if we are blown over, with equanimity we have strength.

How is Early Childhood different from other Developmental Phases?

The new year, dawn, fresh snow and young children: they have something in common. They are full of hope, possibility and promise. I was reminded of this when I heard a program on NPR. It was about a school program designed to teach social-emotional intelligence. It's expensive but the argument is that it is less expensive than mental health care or incarceration; two problems it is geared toward preventing. I suggest we don't wait until children are in school but start in early childhood educating young children and their parents about the development of social emotional intelligence as the primary curriculum for that developmental phase and a key preventative measure. This is how we can support children's optimal healthy development and protect them from toxic stressors that could undermine this development. To learn emotional intelligence, children need to be surrounded by emotionally centered adults. They also need practice in social skills and connecting with/moving through emotions. According to a popular Buddhist nun, when we are present to our emotions, they move through us in about 90 seconds. However, repressing them or rekindling them with our thoughts are ways that prolong emotional states. Children are usually good at emoting. Adults can script children's emotional experiences by saying "You seem sad, angry, or afraid." With this acknowledgment, children learn how to experience emotion, to connect with themselves, and then to get along with others. I can imagine a new world in which we begin in early childhood, surrounding children and their parents with professionals who understand human development. Let's invest in programs that give children a solid foundation, trusting that a physically fit, emotionally balanced and socially skilled human is ready for life. As statistics show, we can spend the money upfront in positive preventative programming or pay it later with remedial measures. For me, I'll throw my lot in with early childhood education any day, and I have. I look forward to the day that quality early childhood programs are publicly funded, available to all children, and focused on the physical and social-emotional development of the child. Hope springs eternal.