Thursday, May 24, 2012

Mothers in the merry month of May

It's mothering month and The New York Times Book Review and Time Magazine gave the topic a recent cover. Clearly, it's been extensively analyzed, written about and experienced. Since I'm not an expert on attachment parenting, Chinese, French or Irish mothering, for this post, I'll stick with the experiential. When my sister-in-law was pregnant about 14 years ago, my mother (who raised 8 children) commented that she'll make a good mother. At that time, I wondered what qualities she was referring to, but unfortunately, I didn't ask, and at this time, my mother is unable to remember. Like with most things, I need to look for the answer to my own question. As is turns out, I agree, my sister-in-law is a good mother. She is present, encouraging and consistent not only in the mothering realm but in her own life. Her work outside the home interests and engages her as does her work at home. I've met moms who fit this description and I'm blessed to be in their presence. There's a dear toddler whose mom has been both professional, warm, and light-hearted in our interactions. She takes care of matters concerning her child, communicates clearly with us and follows her intuition. She meets what comes and makes good choices based on the information available and on who she is, avoiding excessive guilt, second-guessing and worry. Her life is full and she doesn't have time or energy to waste or to spin her wheels emotionally. She's clear-thinking, emotionally balanced and appropriately involved. I've watched her hold back to observe her daughter for a few moments before picking her up, then delighting in her child's smile when she is spied. Through experience and careful observation, I've come to conclude that a good mother is one who is engaged and balanced. There is no set of rules that she must follow except for the most basic laws of nature, of getting what she gives, of putting her best foot forward. The self-confident mother makes decisions in alignment with her values and does not sweat the small stuff. When life is busy or unmanageable, she recognizes it and makes adjustments. Then in the retelling, she laughs about herself. This participation in life with clear intentions and actions, an open heart and mental clarity is key to successful mothering. A happy and relaxed mom makes for a happy and relaxed child. It's not something we can learn in a book, life is our teacher. How do we practice it? Participate in a full and active life, pay attention to internal and external cues and let everything else go. You'll make mistakes, but in striving to learn, you'll find your inner mother. Congratulations dear engaged and engaging Mothers. May your lives be full and your month merry.