Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Mothering

I have the privelege of being in the company of many mothers; all of whom are caring and doing their best to raise their children. My hat goes off and my heart goes out to them for I know that the journey is one that can bring us both to our knees as well as jumping for joy, sometimes all in the same day. Overall, it is a daily practice that requires us to meet what comes with an open heart one day at a time.

What does it take to mother consciously in spite of the prevailing insecurity of our times? When I ponder this question, a mother comes to mind who appears to have found inner balance enough to remain calm in the face of life's daily challenges. Children are reassured by a calm presence and it is a joy to be around her. My guess is that this mother's temperament helps her to stay unruffled but no matter what we have been given, how can we cultivate calm in the presence of the ever-excited little beings that are our children?

There are always two strands of information coming to us; one from the outside that includes time, weather, our child's mood or state of health, resources available, etc. and the other strand of information comes from within including our feelings, thoughts, judgments, history, etc. How do we carefully observe both the outer realities as well as the inner ones to respond consciously rather than react to circumstances? First of all, staying calm allows us enough time to notice both strands of information and to choose our response, rather than reacting.

Conscious mothering involves taking in external information while cultivating our inward response. It means:

Even when our child is unhappy or struggling (in a situation that has been determined to be good) a mother can choose to affirm her child's strength and trust that she will pull through.
Trust comes from the inside.

Even when we are in a hurry because we are late in getting somewhere, a mother can choose to stay calm and go forward without rushing. Acting deliberately gets us to the goal faster.
Calm is a gesture that comes from the inside; it's a practice.

Even if our child is shy, we can bring her to a place where she can learn social skills. We can enourage her growth in spite of resistance by bringing what she needs instead of what she craves which could be to stay home.
Encouragement is generated from the inside, coming from a strong heart (the french word for heart is coeur).

Even though a child does not want to wear clothing for the weather, a mother can insist that she dress for the season rather than changing whims. In this way, inner resolve meets outward information to foster common sense and balance.
Authority comes from the inside.

Even if our child develops according to her own timetable and has her own idiosycracies (like all of us), we can accept and love her just as she is, mirroring a warm and calm presence like sunshine that will validate her and help her become all she can be in her own time and in her own way.
A steady, sunny disposition comes from the inside.

Happy Mothering Month and blessings on your journey.