Waning and Waxing Will Forces

I visited an assisted living center yesterday to view an apartment for my elderly mother. When I heard myself asking certain questions, I realized that I have heard those same questions from parents seeking child care. The questions included:

Will she see the same faces so she can build relationships or will there be different ones all the time?
Will they treat her with respect and understanding for the common symptoms of aging including poor memory, incontinence and embarrassment about those symptoms?
Will they encourage her to participate in activities and to eat meals even though she might say she prefers to stay in her room (knowing once she goes, she will enjoy herself)?
Is the food nourishing and carefully prepared?
Will her physical needs be addressed regarding both her body and her environment; so they are kept clean and well-cared for?
Will they meet her wherever she is and observe her carefully to notice changes that would indicate modifications in her care plan?

Yes, young children and the elderly are similar populations in that they are vulnerable and they require sensitive and consistent care by people who understand their needs. There is one major difference however; while the will forces in the elderly are waning, in the young child, they are waxing. Therefore, we can step in to help the elderly when they are unable to do something because a lifetime of experience has already taught them gratitude, patience and moderation (or not) but in other words, their character has been formed.

With the young child, the same level of attentiveness could lead to poor results in that opportunities to develop character might be missed. We must consider carefully, if we should step back and let the child struggle a little in order to learn a new skill. When we withdraw our attentiveness to the growing child, the child increases his or hers and then learns how to learn, for learning involves trial and error, falling and getting up and being uncomfortable at times. If we can step back and allow our children a reasonable amount of struggle, their growing will forces will be complemented by character traits like patience, gratitude and the ability to withstand some discomfort in order to learn and grow.

In many ways with the elderly, we cannot overdo it, and often it's the case that they would not let us. With young children on the other hand, we run the risk of overdoing it so we have to watch ourselves in order to allow them to become capable learners and to grow strong in character so their strong will forces may be well employed.

I came across this quote attributed to Goethe, but I did not check the source. Nonethless, it is as true today as it was in Goethe's time. "Too many parents make life hard for their children by trying too zealously to make life easy for them".