Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Why it's Easier to be a Teacher than a Parent

Having both observed and experienced the joys and challenges of parenting as well as teaching, I've concluded that it's easier to be a teacher. When life administers its bumps to our children, which it does, I am happy to respond with compassion and objectivity to the children I have taught. When life does the same for my own child, it's harder to keep that balance and compassion can turn into sympathy which ultimately weakens the child. For in the child's mind, if mom finds this difficulty so hard to manage, how can I ever get through it? The child is burdened by too much emotion coming from the parent and parents struggle with reining in their emotions regarding their children.

That's where the call to consciousness in parenting is most evident since until parenting, we have perhaps not yet been asked to manage our emotions so carefully, except perhaps at work. While teaching, it's clear that we are doing a service and we don our best self to administer that service well. It's possible to achieve that when we work around eight hours a day and there are social mores in place. Parenting is an around-the-clock job done at home where we might be accumstomed to giving our emotions more free rein. In addition, it's a job that we receive no training for and the books don't teach us what is really important; that comes only with experience.

As a teacher, I've always told parents that our emotions are the trump card. In other words if we do everything "right" but we are emtionally distraught while doing it, the value is diminished. Instead of being perfect, we might serve our children better by finding our faith, confidence, joy and general sense that all shall be well no matter what comes. When we mirror that for our children, we are like the sun that shines on us everyday reflecting warmth, our children soak it up and become strong.

So rather than trying to do it all and becoming stressed in the process, set up a simple rhythmic lifestyle for your family and then dig deep so your soul can sing while you're doing it. If you need to work fulltime, then work. If you need to go out with women friends to feed your soul, then do it. If you need to ignore the kitchen floor that needs scrubbing so you can take a walk on a beautiful autumn day and savor the colors of the trees, then do it.

That's what early childhood teachers do; they savor the moment and in this way, they join the children in their sacred space. Strong emotions, adult conversations, paying bills all happen when the children are not around. In their presence, we observe with objectivity and respond with an open compassionate heart, knowing that too much emotion is more than a young child can bear. By practicing this way of being, a habit develops, we train ourselves in a way of thinking that brings emotional balance.

That's why it is easier to be a teacher than a parent. We receive training and social support. Come to think of it though, parents are teachers. Do you remember the book, You are Your Child's First Teacher by Rahima Baldwin? I guess the lines in these roles are blurred but I think the message is the same.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Reverence for the Young Child

Rudolf Steiner, the founder of Waldorf education, in speaking to educators said "Receive the children in reverence; educate them in love; let them go forth in freedom."

What does it mean to receive a child in reverence? Most people intuitively do this by slowing down to look at a baby, speaking softly and gesturing gently. There is a sense of wonder and awe that surrounds a newborn no doubt about that. According to Wordsworth, they are "trailing clouds of glory". It's as if the heavens have opened up and given us a gift when a child is born. With time, the child grows, begins to walk and talk. Then there are times when he or she does what we want him or her to do and other times when he or she does not and we experience challenges.

However the child in the first seven years is still in an early phase of life and we are in the welcoming or receiving gesture as adults. Although the growing child asks for guidance and consciousness from us, still we have a sense of reverence toward this new being that has come into our lives. That's what early childhood education is about.

I have observed recently firstborns are indeed received with reverence and parents tend to exercise great care for that child's upbringing, yet there can be a great deal of concern about the impact of a second child on the first one. From one generation to the next, it's seems that there's been a paradigm shift about siblings.

When I was growing up, I had a new sibling every few years until I was fourteen-years-old and the eighth and last child was born. Although the first sibling came only a year after me and possibly I was "dethroned" a little early, I am convinced that having a best friend for life is a greater benefit than the price I paid for her showing up early. The general sense was that a new sibling was a blessing and we were grateful.

I'll never forget when my youngest sister was born (after two brothers came and several years went by and we didn't think there would be any more children), we would come home from school and stand around her crib just gazing at her. Those were special moments for the bigger children and in spite of our ages, even the adolescents felt embraced by that little piece of heaven in our home.

I'm wondering when getting a sibling became such a great challenge. I often hear today that parents worry about the impact of a sibling on the firstborn as if the new child is a burden. Is it possible to substitute blessing for burden and to imagine that the older child and the whole family has been gifted and although challenges lie ahead as they always do, we can choose to emphasize the blessings? Receiving a child with reverence is not exclusive; I think it touches all those in its presence.