Is There such a Thing as Necessary Stress?

During this time of year, when we are entering the darkest days that come just before we celebrate the return of the light, I've noticed that it is a difficult transition for many people. It definitely helps to focus on the celebration of the light, to know that this will pass and that it is part of the greater order of things. That's how it is with all transitions; they have a degree of difficulty and it's best to focus on where we are headed, beginning with getting out of bed in the morning.

When we are consciously aware of changes in nature and how they affect us, we can help our children, many who are sensitive to these transitions. I've observed that during this season, children are often tired and unsettled because their experience of life is limited so they look to the adults to frame their experiences, to mirror back for them that everything is going to be alright. For all they know, maybe it will be dark everyday at 5:00 p.m. and summer will never return. Without knowing it, children might experience fear and manifest it by being a little crabby. What do we do when our children (given they are not getting sick) cry about putting on their coats, getting in the car or saying good-bye to parents who are leaving for work?

First, it makes sense to quickly check for signs of illness and if wellness is determined, then it's a good idea to acknowledge feelings. "Yes, that's a little uncomfortable, but we are going to wear our jackets on this blustery day. Let me help you put your arm in the sleeve". That's the thing about discomfort or stress, it's best to acknowledge it and to go forward with sensitivity, but if going forward is the best thing, to go forward nonetheless.

One never succeeds in making big changes in one's ife without enduring some discomfort or stress in the process. It's learning to manage that stress that prepares one to receive the rewards of success, becoming strong enough to handle life on life's terms. Now, with our children, we are often less willing to allow life to happen on life's terms bringing with it necessary stresses. However, when we keep trying to avoid any stress or discomfort, we give our children the message that we think they are incapable of learning to manage the situation.

With conscious effort, we can feel alright about allowing our children to experience doses of stress; knowing that they serve a greater good like a goal in our children's learning and development. This is how children find out what they are capable of and grow self-confident in the process. For those who are watching a child experience difficulties, keeping your eye on the goal helps; that's why we focus on the celebration of the light as we go into the darkest days of the year. Yes, it is not easy to witness our children experience stress and discomfort but it is necessary.

I heard these inspiring words from Leonard Perlmutter in a yoga class not too long ago: "Stress and pain are shadows of the outstretched hand of the Divine Reality asking you to make a change that will help you fulfill the purpose of your life."