Can too much Sympathy weaken a Child's will forces?

I make dinner every week night because it's good for my family's healthy, the environment and the local food producers and markets. These are the things that I bear in mind to motivate myself even when I don't feel like cooking. I've observed that my motivation is closely linked to what I tell myself. If I engage in thinking that it's a big chore to buy groceries, create balanced menus and cook meals, it becomes difficult to complete this task and I might entertain thoughts about the values of take-out food.

Do you see where I am going? My thoughts about any task at hand can serve to inspire or weaken my resolve. It's up to me to choose them carefully. The same holds true for our children whose thoughts echo our words. I've heard (and have been there done that) well meaning parents speak to their child with a lot of sympathy, expressing sentiments along these lines: I know it is hard to be away from your mother, or eat your lunch, or put on your sweater. Then the child's will forces engage to resist the task at hand rather than work with us to get it done and our original thought (that it might be a difficult task) is reinforced.

Unwittingly, we sabotage our objectives with too much sympathy. We so love our children and want to do what is right by them that we can give them what they want instead of what they need. Consider your words carefully and as important, the sentiments that you are holding behind them. If the task is too much to ask your child then why ask it of him or her? However, if you have decided that it is an appropriate (or possibly necessary) request, there is no need to be conflicted about it. It's cold and we are going to wear our coats today.

Speak in positive affirmative statements. We are putting on our coats now. One arm and then the other. Let's find your hand! It's ever amusing to put your arm into a coatsleeve and then see your hand come out the other side. Be playful but focused on the task. It is your resolve, your focus and your affirmative statements that give your child the strength of will to work together with you to accomplish the deed.

Refrain from being overly sympathetic or sentimental about your child's experiences. Yes, children are small, vulnerable and have a lot to learn. Life is demanding and there are moments (for example,a boo-boo) when sympathy is appropriate, but dole it out consciously. Overall children can meet the challenges that come up. They are capable of learning to cope and doing what needs to be done.

Don't take my word for this, but conduct an experiment of your own. The next time you are about to do a routine life task (e.e. making dinner) tell your self how hard it is and feel sorry for yourself for having to do it. Then notice what happens to your motivation. Try another time to tell yourself what a noble deed it is to cook and how the energy of the cook affects the food and its overall energetic value and how much you value having enough energy to do what you want to do.

If you notice the affect of sympathy vs. resolve in your self, pay attention to what you are communicating to your child and consider that by being overly sympathetic, you might be inadvertently weakening your child's will forces.