Alpha Adults Lead in Child-Centered Approach

In my years of working with young children, I have looked for a model of right relationship between adult and child. Clearly, concepts of authority and discipline are useful but are often clouded by people's unpleasant references from the past. Gordon Neufield, a developmental and clinical psychologist, looked to natural science in the study of human development. He observed the instinctual need for dependency in the young child, a need that asks for an alpha presence from adults to answer it. When the child's dependency need is fulfilled, it inspires trust and confidence, allowing the child's heart to remain soft and open. An effective alpha posture involves conveying that the parents can and will take care of the child. To this end, parents must be careful to not reveal their own needs, dependencies, inadequacies or fears. This may involve pretending at times, otherwise children may take on parents' needs and don the alpha role. When the adult takes the lead with full respect for the smallness, neediness and fears of the child, it is a child-centered approach. By reading the child's cues, the adults can discern the difference between needs and demands. If a child is looking for love, the adult can offer more than is asked for, reassuring the child and preventing him/her from suffering an unfulfilled need. This satisfies the child's attachment hunger and establishes a strong connection. However, if a child's alpha instincts have been engaged, it is important not to let the child orchestrate interactions. Parents can reclaim the lead and in doing so, right the relationship.