Parenting in the Light

Parenting involves moment to moment decision-making. It requires rational thinking at times in the presence of strong emotions from our children and parents' emotions may be triggered, too. That's when it gets tricky since feelings can derail thinking, leading to faulty logic and then more emotion including embarrassment and guilt. To break the cycle of reactivity, when emotionally triggered, parents are well advised to take a moment of pause to notice the feelings that are present and to ponder the situation. Emotions for healthy adults are governed by thinking, but for children emotions just are. What do children feel? They feel fear, anger, frustration, as well as joy, love and enthusiasm many times a day. If parents' decisions are influenced by children's ephemeral emotions, it's like a boat on stormy seas. Rational thinking provides the rudder that steers the family boat to safe harbor despite temporary squalls. Although not overtly emotional, this kind of thinking is fueled by love. Love that is calm and consistent like the sun, faithfully rising each morning. Love that is a choice not a feeling. Just like the sun does not look to humans to decide whether or not to shine on us, parents' thinking is not based on the child's emotions but is bestowed on the child's behalf. Children who are given the warmth of a warm sunny gaze, backed by clear decisions, grow strong and healthy. They grow toward the light. This time of year, our children may be excited and parents on the other hand, may want a calm holiday without upsets. However, peace at all costs comes at a dear price. Parents may pay for it by reinforcing negative behaviors with attention. Children know that they should not get everything they want in the form of gifts or attention. With parents choosing consciously, children learn to appreciate more even when they receive less. While reinforcing what we want children to learn, what can parents do when children act inappropriately? Give a direction once, then ignore the behaviors, allowing the child to find his or her way or to experience the consequences. Parents observe and witness the child's learning curve. Yes, if safety is an issue, our children need to be stopped but ignoring the rest is best. This requires clear intentions, trust and steadfastness or parenting in the light of consciousness. The return of the light is about more than gifts and parties, it is a celebration of the light of human consciousness. It's about birthing something new in our own hearts, a courageous love that fuels clear thoughts, emotions and actions. At times, the light of wisdom disappears and then we look for it, practicing finding it again and again. When it returns, we sigh "Hallelujah".