Who is in Charge?

A parent asked a group of teachers one morning about who is in charge at pick-up time or more directly, would it be okay for her to correct a child's misbehavior in front of other parents and teachers? That's a good question reminding me that "it takes a village" but within the village, it takes agreement. Transition times are challenging, pick-up time in particular since it's the second biggest shift in the day, the first being the one away from parents to the Center. At pick-up time, arriving parents can be tentative about asserting themselves, not wanting to step on any toes, holding back as far as intervention goes. This is just the opportunity that a child needs to exert his or herself and claim attention, sometimes in socially inappropriate ways. In a village or community where there is agreement about values and standards, any nearby adult is encouraged to reinforce them. At the Rose Garden, we assume agreement about teaching lessons that you cannot hurt anybody or anything. As long as the adults bear in mind that young children need reminders which are most effective brought in an emotionally-neutral and consistent way, we can let go of the idea that we might offend an adult and intervene when we witness a socially unacceptable act. Afterwards, the adults can have a clarifying conversation but it's best to step in and stop inappropriate behavior in a kindly way as soon as we see it to ensure the safety of the children. Some suggested ways of intervening include reminding a child who is using hitting hands or mean words that we say, "Use your gentle hands and kind words." We may also say that "We don't hit people or talk that way here." If children are excluding other children in play, we have a mantra, "Yes you may play with me today" so children step back to allow another child enter the play house or a free form game. However, at times we allow a few children to finish their game before they widen the circle, encouraging children to find another game and come back in a little while. Living, working and playing in society involves learning lessons about how to be with others all the time so we do not expect our little ones to have mastered them. If you are an adult who witnesses socially unacceptable behavior, please feel free to tell a child that it is not okay to hurt anyone. It's important for children to see that all the adults are looking out for them. That in itself can be a deterrent.