Adjust Parenting Style for Children's Temperaments

All children are not alike. They come with their own temperaments and respond to stimulus accordingly. The sound in the room that is barely noticable to one child might put another on edge. This has powerful implications for child education. As a teacher and a parent, study of temperaments has always fascinated me and so I was excited to see an article on "The Melancholic Child - Gifts and Challenges" in the Winter issue of Renewal Magazine, the Journal of Waldorf Education.

Rudolf Steiner revived Hippocrates four temperaments as a tool to understand personality, educate children and further self development. This understanding plays a big role in Waldorf education, but it can be difficult to determine a child's temperament in the early childhood years when the child is still so unformed. However, in the 1950's, psychologists studied infants and their response to stimulus. Based on observable behaviors, they found that the infants fit into three categories: flexible, feisty or fearful.

Later research done by Jerome Kagan led to the founding of the temperament studies laboratory at Harvard University and further observation of young children. He found that some children are highly sensitive and have a lower threshold of arousal in certain parts of the brain. Kagan notes that he prefers to hire these adults in his laboratory because they are highly responsible and have great attention to details.

However, this sensitivity in a young child comes along with a host of physical reactions that can be challenging; they include susceptibility to insomnia, colic, high pulse rate and quick reactions to external stimuli. With all of this internal stimulation going on, sensitive children tend to behave in a way that is inhibited when they feel challenged, they often cling to their mothers and act fearful.

This makes the job for parents of hyper-sensitive children challenging for the child's insecurity often triggers the parents' questioning of their parenting choices or feeling insecure. How to help the sensitive child become self-soothing and learn to cope? Fortunately, research has been done about parenting the fearful, withdrawing and hyper-sensitive child. Doreen Arcus found that the protective style of parenting (often triggered by the child's reactions)increases the uncertainty of the sensitive child whereas a limit-setting style reduces inhibitions and fearfulness.

More research indicated that sensitive children who are in day care are less fearful by four-years-old than those who stayed home with their mothers. This is attributed to the more objective and limit-setting milieu of a child care setting. Setting limits with a child who is withdrawn, crying and fearful is very difficult for parents but a caring teacher can be a great help at these times. Being a child care provider, I considered leaving this part out, but that might be an over-reaction, a sign of hyper-sensitivity.

Instead, I suggest you make your own observations and experiments to see what proves true for you. First notice your own reaction to your child's reactions. Are you over-protective? Then see if by cultivating objectivity and using limit-setting with kindness, you can help your child become self-soothing and gain an important life skill. Your child will love you for it.