Intentional Mothering

I witness a lot of great mothering and in this month of Mother's Day, I've been thinking about what it takes to be a good mother.

There are two primary aspects of mothering that might seem at first contradictory. One is pulling the child close to us and the other involves letting the child go. For many, the nurturing part is the easiest and these mothers intuitively know how to hold, feed and soothe their infants. The challenging part of mothering often involves letting our children experience frustration, stepping back and watching so our children can learn and grow. Like the mama bird who pushes her babies our of the nest so they can learn to fly, the ultimate goal of mothering is to produce an independent human being in the end.

That's where the intentional part comes in. Intentional or conscious mothering involves remembering that the goal is independence and so making decisions that encourage strength and independence often born of frustration and then staying the course.

A few months ago, a family chose the Center for their young child so mom could go back to work part-time. She knew we offered what she wanted for her child and she also knew her child. He wants what he wants and most of the time, he wants his mother. However, she decided that it was ok for him to spend 12 hours a week away from his mother in a warm and nurturing environment.

She decided that she would allow him to experience the frustration of having his needs but not his wants met so he could become strong and independent. Of course, his cries touched her heart but did not diminish her resolve. She kept the goal in mind, gave him lots of love when they were together and let him have his morning cry. Eventually, he stopped crying and when we did, the sight of his smile is like a ray of golden sunshine beaming from his confident little self.

I told this mother that if we had a mother of the year award, we would give it to her. She mothers with instinctual nurturing as well as consciously allowing her son to separate from her in order to make steps toward independence. That selflessness is at the core of intentional mothering and it takes a lot of heart and a clear head.

What a joy to witness and a model to learn from!