Destiny Has it's Say

I've written about finding elderly care for my mother since dementia has diminished her capability to manage day-to-day living in her own home. Once her adult children found a suitable assisted living situation, sorted out the insurance component, packed up her things and moved her into her new apartment, we watched to see how she would adjust. Fortunately, she did not resist our decision although it was a choice made not by her but by her eight children with her best interests in mind because on some level, she is still thinking of us and she wants what is best for us during this time of caretaking role-reversal.

Her apartment has a lovely view, her furniture fits well in it and the quality of care she receives is excellent, but my mother is a very social person. She built her life around relationships with family, neighbors and friends and we wondered if she was up to starting over by making new friends. In her new place, family and old friends continued to visit but for meal and activity-times, she needed to find her way into this new social arena on her own. That was key to her success and not something we could orchestrate like we had managed to handle the rest of her needs.

I was delighted to visit my mother a few days after her move and to find her in the dining room with a new/old friend. It turns out that at the same time my mother moved into her new apartment, a childhood friend also moved into an apartment there. Having grown up together in a small town in the Genesee River Valley, they had seen little of each other over the past seven decades or more. Although short term memory decreases with dementia, longterm memories stay strong and they had no trouble reclaiming their small town/childhood bond.

Since they moved in about the same time, they were were both in need of integrating into the greater community. This was made easier by teaming up with an old friend to share meals, stories, photos and activities with. Together they found their way. Who could have orchestrated such a moment? Not me even along with my seven siblings, that's for sure.

When I was student teaching, a college professor told me "do my best and forget the rest". A aimple rhyme, it is also wise. For destiny, providence or karma; call it what you will, it does have its say and although there are matters we can take charge of, there are those that are outside of our control. Our efforts can only take us so far and the rest, the results of our actions are worked out in a realm beyond us. In the face of such fortunate results, having diligently doing our best, I can think of two words that apply, words our mother taught us.

Thank you.