Monday, July 27, 2009

Buildings are Beings

I've been married to an architect for a long time. When we were in the years of raising young children, we divided up the work so that he did the lion's share of business outside the home and I did the lion's share of child-rearing. That was our arrangement and sometimes it seemed like our "worlds" were miles apart, so distant from each other that we had little in common as far as our work goes.

I've discovered if I remain open, concepts continue to evolve and things are not always as I once thought they were. Architecture and education (whether in the home or in the classroom) are not so different after all. Buildings are beings and in that way, they are like children and architecture like child education. These are some of the likenesses I have found.

Both buildings and children have fixed aspects that you have to work with and things you can change, that are more flexible. It takes a village to raise them, maintain them and if needed, change or renovate them. They are prone to influences from the outside as well as from the inside. The strength of the inside dictates to what extent outside influences will impact them.

It's always best to start with a good foundation and work up from there. A good, solid foundation will allow a building and a human being to live long and live healthy, reinventing itself as it goes along.

Since we're been renovating the building at 257 Lafayette, my interest in architecture has been piqued and I'm intrigued by the process, even though the building's quirks and especially its individual timetable have made me lose sleep at times. Although eager to see the end result, I have to temper my enthusiasm with letting go and not to force things to go my way but step back and let them go the way they will go, with the support of many trusted helpers who have the building's best interest at heart. Does this sound familiar to any of you parents?

Before my husband and I move our businesses into the same building, I'm glad to discover that our "worlds" are not so far away after all.

Monday, July 6, 2009

Practical Solutions

I've noticed a tendency to overthink which is prevalent these days and leads to turning molehills into mountains. In my experience, however, many things are easier to do than they are to think about. Too much thinking creates nervousness, a sign that it's time for action rather than rumination even if the action is just a head-clearing walk around the block.

Why are we prone to so much thinking? I suppose it comes from fear of doing the wrong thing, so the motivation is good. Like most things, it's a matter of balance, it's a good thing that's taken too far.

I've been receiving a lot of interesting articles lately about finding a new balance in parenting and the end of "helicopter parenting". Being prone to overthinking myself, I've decided to take the time to ground this concept before writing about it. I began by looking for role models and will write about one today.

We were in Germany for my father-in-law's funeral last week so we've all been reminiscing a lot about him and his life. His 95 years were marked by several things, including excellent health, joie de vivre and his remarkably strong will forces. I've read that the faculties we develop in early childhood are the last to go. Even in his elderly years, after retiring at 80, he recorded every thing he did each day and kept his affairs and household in order, and by doing so, maintained limber mental faculties and a strong life force.

His life was a testament to keeping it simple (the opposite of overthinking things), and we observed him make a decision, then stick by it with consistent action. Clarity and consistency paid off in his life and he achieved great success in business and relationships, leaving this life with his affairs in order.

As far as parenting young children, this is a reminder that the framework we provide for our young children serves them for their lifetimes and is their mainstay in old age when other faculties start fading. Now, instead of letting this be a reason to overthink what is the right thing for our children, try keeping it simple by focusing on the moment. Children need consistent (not rigid) rhythms, repetition (doing things overall in the same way each day) and reverence or deep respect that is best bestowed by being totally present, listening and observing. without getting lost in ruminations.

Decide what you want to do and then follow through with clarity and consistency. While doing, think less, speak less, be more present and enjoy what you are doing while you're doing it.

This simple wisdom makes for healthy homelife and strong children even into their old age.